Man baffled by concept of 'leftover' food

A MAN who recently discovered that other people sometimes have food left at the end of their meal is still trying to understand how it happens.

Wayne Hayes, 32, was at a friend’s for dinner when he first witnessed someone putting cooked food into the fridge rather than just eating all of it.

Hayes said: “Initially when my mate Chris took the dish of lasagne off the table I thought there must be something wrong with it. I’d had a second helping, but why would we not eat the rest of it?

“Then his girlfriend got out some Tupperware and shovelled the lasagne into it. She even wrapped the slices of garlic bread I hadn’t yet managed to fit on my plate in tin foil.

“They were talking about ‘having it for lunch’ the next day in a way that suggested this happens quite a lot. It’s all very strange.”

He added: “Does the melted cheese that’s been stuck to the grill for two weeks that you eat right before you shove it in the dishwasher count as leftovers?”

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Brexit Mount Rushmore to feature carved heads of Jim Davidson, Nigel Farage, Elizabeth Hurley and Ian Botham

A PLANNED Brexit Mount Rushmore to be carved into the white cliffs of Dover will feature Nigel Farage, Elizabeth Hurley, Jim Davidson and Ian Botham.

The Brexiters’ faces, each 70ft high, will be the first thing that greets visitors who arrive in the UK by ferry across the Channel, like they should.

Planner Wayne Hayes, who has made no practical arrangements to turn his idea into reality but fully expects it to happen, said: “I can’t think of four legends who more perfectly sum up the country I live in.

“Nigel, who gave us Brexit. Hurley is sexiest Englishwoman of all time. Davidson, our patriotic jester. And Beefy, the greatest all-round cricketer that ever lived and bloody sensible to boot.

“Who better? And don’t say Clarkson. He’s too jowly for stone.”

Dover resident Nathan Muir said: “Farage is more interested in polishing Donald Trump’s balls, Botham retired 26 years ago, Hurley is the worst English actress of all time and Jim Davidson can’t even get pantomime work.

“Is this who we are as a nation now? Yes it is.”