Misleadingly labelled Boots meal deal claims another victim

THE ambiguous labelling on Boots meal deal shelving has caused yet another customer to overpay for his lunch, it has emerged. 

Shopper Tom Logan was lured in by the retailer’s promise of discounted sandwiches, snacks and drinks, only to realise he had been tricked out of £7.14 when scanning his items through the self-checkout.

He said: “It’s telling me the Innocent Super Smoothie isn’t part of the deal, even though it’s got a similar label to all the things that are. What the f**k?

“Why would Boots hurt shoppers when they’re at their most vulnerable and hungry by bamboozling them like this? It’s almost as if they’re deliberately trying to swindle people out of cash.

“It doesn’t help that everything’s been mixed up by all the other hapless prey to stumble blindly through the automatic doors. There’s no telling if the Organix flapjacks are part of the deal or not, unless I use my eyes and actually read the signage.”

A Boots spokesperson said: “You’re always welcome to void the transaction and go back to pick out something else, but you never will. We’ve got you by the balls.”

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Charles confirms he is exactly who we thought he was with Coronation quiche

KING Charles III has confirmed he is exactly the man the country already suspected him of being with the unveiling of his Coronation quiche. 

The monarch, ignorant of the cultural meaning the quiche is freighted with, has decided that a spinach, broad bean and tarragon quiche sums him up and his subjects have ruefully assented.

Preston market trader Wayne Hayes said: “Yeah, he’s a quiche bloke alright. To be honest we knew that when he f**ked Di over.

“I suppose we’d hoped, as a nation, that being king might bring out another side of him. That he’d choose a strong beef pie or make a powerful statement with a curried lamb pastie.

“But no, he’s gone quiche. The dish of middle-class Francophile vegetarians hovering over the buffet wondering why nobody’s eating their delicious contribution while chiding their children for shoving back fistfuls of crisps.

“His mum, she knew what Britain was. She went for a sandwich, the true food of the people, with cheap, tasteless chicken and a load of gloopy shit. Still popular 70 years later.

“F**king quiche. Bring down the monarchy I say. Fancy twats.”