MCDONALD’S have introduced a new plant-based burger that lets vegans experience the shame and disgust of consuming vile, greasy processed food.
The McPlant burger consists of a meat-substitute patty, a slice of vegan cheese, mustard, pickles and the classic McDonalds air-and-polystyrene bun.
A spokesman explained: “We wanted to offer vegans something that delivers the same taste you would expect from a normal burger, which is to say sordid and repugnant.
“The provenance of the ‘meat’ element is even more mysterious than our reclaimed-arsehole burgers and adding plastic vegan cheese makes it truly unpalatable. You’ll be burping this one for days.
“We’re delighted to welcome vegans into our restaurants where they can be served by our resentful three-star workers before quickly and miserably consuming their food in an brightly-lit environment full of screaming children.
“McDonald’s is for everyone. Come on a Saturday night, there’s fights.”
Vegan Sophie Rodriguez said: “The Greggs vegan sausage roll makes me feel cheap and used, but it does at least taste nice.
“After eating the McPlant burger I felt degraded, humiliated and like I had let my parents down. But only for 30 minutes. Then I went back for another one.”