New vegans warned to monitor self-deception levels

PEOPLE starting a vegan diet need to ensure they are pretending that their food tastes like nicer things, according to experts.

Anyone taking up a plant-based diet should check that their body is producing enough beliefs that vegetables taste like non-vegan food, although they clearly do not.

Nutritionist Nikki Hollis explained: “The most important part of veganism is the ability to lie to yourself all the time.

“That means pretending the cakes don’t fall apart as soon as you look at them, there isn’t a bit of powder in your mouth after drinking oat milk, and a big slice of cauliflower is in any way a replacement for a steak.”

However Hollis conceded that there was one area of self-delusion even the most committed vegan could not master.

She said: “We now accept that calling it vegan ‘cheese’ was a step too far. It really does taste like feet.”

Hollis added that self-deception was also important for carnivores, who had to pretend eating huge amounts of red meat was manly when just lifting a frying pan left them out of puff.