NOT a single person in a restaurant who is sharing plates wants to be doing so, it has been confirmed.
Everyone nibbling away on small communal plates deeply resents their decision and would much rather be tucking into heaps of food piled onto their own designated dish instead.
Disgruntled diner Martin Bishop said: “It only takes one person to suggest getting sharing plates then you all have to go along with it for fear of looking selfish. Even though one plate per person has worked perfectly well for millennia.
“I don’t want a spread of bitesize morsels where I have to fight for every mouthful. I’d be much happier with a mound of nosh I can dig into at my leisure and defend with my fork if anyone dares to try pinching a bit. It’s been the natural human instinct since caveman times.”
Friend Nikki Hollis said: “Tapas is bad enough, but at least you know what you’re letting yourself in for. Sharing plates sound good but ultimately are nothing more than handfuls of chips and nachos served at a jacked-up price. F**k that.
“Plus there’s always one bastard who inhales the samosas before you can get to them, and some other prick who scoffs more than their fair share of chicken wings but will end up paying the same. They should make sharing plates illegal and preferably punishable by death.”
