A MAN who has travelled so far from his roots he does not even know who he is anymore believes himself too good for a toasted sandwich.
Ryan Whittaker, originally from Stockport, found himself hungry in a London pub and even though there was a full toastie menu available complained that there was ‘nothing to eat’, like the blind, wounded vainglorious monster he has become.
Friend Grace Wood-Morris said: “I pointed out the toastie menu and that they do ham and cheese, which is basically heaven. I mean we’d had two pints.
“He disregarded it with a wave of his hand and said we’d have to find somewhere else, not even noticing how stunned and appalled I was while he Googled fancy gastropubs.
“I said ‘They do a beans and Worcestershire sauce one’, trying to reach the decent, honest man I knew must still be in there somewhere. All he did was raise his eyebrows in acknowledgement of my exquisite irony.
“And I wasn’t being ironic. I wasn’t being ironic at all. I really, really wanted a toastie.”
Whittaker said: “A toastie. I mean, imagine. Who’d have something like that when they’re in the food capital of the world? Oh God, what have I become?”