Quiche just pizza’s unemployed cousin 

QUICHE is just an underachieving distant relative of pizza, scientists have discovered. 

Researchers found that quiche shares 98 per cent of pizza’s genetic material, but has never been sufficiently motivated to become delicious.

Food analyst Emma Bradford said: “Unlike its high-achieving cousin pizza, quiche never really got its act together which is why it is bland, flavourless and chalky.

“There’s clear potential for quiche to become a worthwhile food, but at the moment it’s just too busy sitting on its arse, being a quiche.”

Quiche Joseph Turner said: “I could go out and get a sauce and maybe some anchovies, but to be honest I’d rather stay here on the lower rungs of this pub fridge, being tasteless and pallid.

“I just don’t feel motivated to get better ingredients. Maybe I’m depressed because of the excessive amount of egg I contain, which gives me that greasy unappealing sheen.”