THE UK is demanding farmers detail exactly which foods might run low before panicking, because it might just be healthy stuff.
Warnings of food shortages are being investigated by a sceptical public because first, you can’t trust farmers and second, it may well only be beetroot or lettuce or other easily-discarded salad products.
Nathan Muir of Colchester said: “They say there’s a shortage of cereal crops. Well I have toast for breakfast so that doesn’t bother me.
“Losing tomatoes would be a blow for the nation’s pizza toppings, but my mate Logan worked at Dominos and said it’s all straight from frozen anyway. Plus there’s always ketchup. Other than that, I’m struggling to name a vegetable I’d miss.
“Potatoes obviously, but they grow in winter so they’re unaffected. Plus I’d expect the government, post-Covid, to have prioritised rebuilding Britain’s crisp mountain so we’ve got at least two years stockpiled.
“We’ve heard all this shite from farmers before. If it’s not too sunny it’s raining too much, or too mild, or it’s not that warm but unpleasantly clammy if you’re in a cardigan which is catastrophic for crops. It’s bollocks they trot out when they want tax breaks and subsidies.”
Farmer Norman Steele said: “No, this isn’t like that, this time it’s really serious and we haven’t had to harvest this early since 1891. So we will need subsidies.”
