Saturday, 4th April 2020

Steak bakes have been vegan for years, laughs Greggs

GREGGS have confirmed that there has not been any meat or animal products in their steak bakes since 2005. 

The high street baker has been lauded for its vegan steak bakes but yesterday admitted that it removed all animal products 15 years ago, because it was cheaper.

CEO Wayne Hayes said: “That’s right, suckers. You’ve been vegans since the era of Gwen Stefani. And you had no idea.

“It’s just mushrooms, salt and flavouring. The steak chunks you think you’ve been biting in to? Dogfood flavour jelly beans.

“As for the pastry, we gave up in the early noughties and just started wrapping everything in carboard. Nobody noticed because it’s soaked in vegetable oil, and that’s all our customers really care about.

“We only launched the vegan one as kind of a joke, to see if anyone would realise. But when nobody did suddenly it all began to feel kind of hollow. Except for the millions we’ve made.”

Nathan Muir of Croydon said: “Once I found a lump of beef in a custard slice. Explain that.”