Tax these latte-loving bastards until they bleed, says Britain

BRITAIN wants the ‘latte levy’ to be followed by as many punitive taxes on coffee obsessives as possible. 

The proposed levy, which will add 25p to disposable cups, should be only the first of a raft of measures including a progressive tax rising to 100 per cent on ‘artisan espressos’.

Helen Archer, from Southampton, said: “These arseholes already shell out £4 for something that costs 20p to make and then wear it as a badge of pride. Make it fifty quid a cup.

“Also we should take a percentage of income from anyone who says ‘Can I get a real bloody coffee please?’ like Justin from accounts does all the time, but I recognise that’s difficult to enforce.

“This could solve the NHS crisis at a stroke. Anytime we need a new MRI machine, I’ll just tell a meeting ‘I think you all need perking up,’ and they’ll nod in unison like foul-breathed labradors and then do a Costa run.”

Brexit secretary David Davis added: “Real Britons drink tea, so we’re only targetting liberal remainer ponces.”