Vegan who eats eggs has a stupid name for it and you're about to hear it

A WOMAN who shuns all meat and dairy products apart from eggs has a special term for her particular form of food weirdness.

Eleanor Shaw has been ‘basically vegan’ for the past five months after watching a documentary on Netflix that featured a lot of graphs about American farming techniques and climate change. 

Shaw said: “Being a vegan feels like the right thing for the planet and the kind of conversations I like to have, but I also really need eggs because I like them. 

“It can be hard for people to get their heads around my seemingly arbitrary eating habits, so I like to make it sound like a thing by calling myself an ‘eggvegan’. 

“That’s pronounced ‘egvigan’. I originally called myself an ‘oeufan’, a blend of ‘vegan’ and the French for egg, but people didn’t understand it for some reason.

“Now I’m an eggvegan all my fried egg sandwiches, omelettes and eggy soldiers are totally fine and logical. Let’s save Mother Earth, one plate of scrambled egg at a time.”

Shaw’s mother Jane, who had to adapt all her meal plans when Eleanor went home for the weekend, commented: “I don’t drink, apart from two large glasses of wine every day.

“Does that make me a version of teetotal? I think so. I’m an ‘alcototaller’.”

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Man who thinks he hasn't got Northern accent totally does

A NORTHERNER who fondly imagines he does not have a noticeable accent could not be more wrong.

Tom Logan, originally from Winsford but currently based in Cheam, believes he has a totally neutral accent, not realising colleagues refer to him as ‘Northern Tom’ and ‘Ecky Thump Man’. 

Office worker Logan said: “Regional accents are great, but not having one means I can blend in effortlessly in any situation and be judged for who I am, not where I’m from. I like to think I’m a bit of a social chameleon.”

However co-worker Nikki Hollis said: “Tom sounds exactly like a character from Last of the Summer Wine or an Alan Bennett simpleton who won’t stop drivelling on about biscuits.

“He asked me if I wanted to go for a drink, and I almost said yes because he’s not bad looking, but then I realised he might want to do that thing where he puts a ferret up my trousers. 

“Sorry, but I’m just not into that. Also if we got serious I’m not moving into a terraced house in Wigan with his coal miner dad sitting naked in a tin bath.”

Logan’s boss Nathan Muir said: “Tom couldn’t be more Northern if he dressed like one of the Tetley Tea folk and had a pet kestrel. I’m surprised he’s even working for a digital marketing firm when he could be ‘down t’pit’.”