Monday, 19th April 2021

Watery bit of ketchup put there to spite you

THE watery bit in the top of every bottle of tomato ketchup is put there just to spite you, it has been confirmed.

While all brands use a different recipe, all of them deliberately add up to 5ml of brackish liquid solely to piss you off.

Roy Hobbs of the Association of Ketchup Producers said: "We sent a man to the moon, do you not think we could make tomato sauce without the little bit of water in?

“We put it there out of malice, and malice alone. All you have to do to avoid it is shake the bottle, but you can't be bothered, can you? Ketchup water punishes the idle and the wicked.

“Also it makes us laugh whenever we think about the watery bit coming out with a farty sound just as you’re about to eat.”

Ketchup lover Tom Booker said: "That explains a lot. Damn, forgot to fucking shake it again and now there’s a little pool of stinky tomato water on my scrambled eggs.”