Woman finds diet loophole by giving blood in exchange for biscuits

A WOMAN has found she can cheat her strict diet, by giving blood and then bingeing on custard creams.

Since discovering blood-for-biscuits loophole, Francesca Johnson has become a prolific donor, once giving 10 pints in a day to earn a whole packet of HobNobs.

Johnson said: “Sod you Slimming World. You can’t call it a ‘sin’ if it’s for a good cause.”

Johnson added: “I visit clinics on different days, so I catch different biscuits – Tuesday is Bourbons, Friday you hit the jackpot with Jammie Dodgers. Only a complete knob would donate on Mondays. Malted Milks are for idiots.”

Johnson, who once knocked over a blood-donation van by rattling its doors out of hours, admitted that the biscuit reward scheme was a slippery slope.

“I asked medical staff if I could donate my eggs, in return for a full-size Mars Bar. They weren’t having any of it.”

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Bringing screaming children into restaurants apparently legal

BRINGING small screaming children into restaurants is legal, it has been claimed.

Diners at a restaurant in Bristol discovered the ‘law’ after a woman brought her two noisy infant children with her and at no point did anyone call the police.

Julian Cook said: “As soon as they both started screaming and crying I thought ‘I wish we hadn’t just ordered our starters’.

“But the way I figured it, the police would be along any second to take the children and their mum away and allow us to eat our meal in pleasant silence.

“Then when our mains arrived and the children were still screaming, I thought I should maybe ask the waiter when the police would be arriving.

“He just stared at me blankly and then said it wasn’t illegal to bring screaming, crying children into a restaurant.

“I would like to know if it used to be illegal or whether it’s never been illegal.”