Wednesday, 12th August 2020

Woman finds diet loophole by giving blood in exchange for biscuits

A WOMAN has found she can cheat her strict diet, by giving blood and then bingeing on custard creams.

Since discovering blood-for-biscuits loophole, Francesca Johnson has become a prolific donor, once giving 10 pints in a day to earn a whole packet of HobNobs.

Johnson said: “Sod you Slimming World. You can’t call it a ‘sin’ if it’s for a good cause.”

Johnson added: “I visit clinics on different days, so I catch different biscuits – Tuesday is Bourbons, Friday you hit the jackpot with Jammie Dodgers. Only a complete knob would donate on Mondays. Malted Milks are for idiots.”

Johnson, who once knocked over a blood-donation van by rattling its doors out of hours, admitted that the biscuit reward scheme was a slippery slope.

“I asked medical staff if I could donate my eggs, in return for a full-size Mars Bar. They weren’t having any of it.”