Woman smugly growing vegetables she doesn't even like

A WOMAN is incredibly smug about all the gardening she is doing even though she hates everything she is growing.

Francesca Johnson has posted multiple photos of her allotment on social media, which is growing an abundance of leafy greens and root vegetables she will never eat.

Johnson said: “My butternut squashes are coming on really well. They taste dreadful, but look nice when I leave one to slowly rot in the kitchen for several months.

“I’m also growing kale. It’s really good for you and actually kind of edible if you cook it with garlic and cream to entirely cover up its natural taste.

“And then there are my courgettes. They taste like gone-off cucumbers but the leaves are massive so they look really impressive on Instagram.

“Basically, I’m growing stuff that is easy to grow. When it’s ready, I’ll pull it up and put it straight in the compost bin. Then I’ll go straight to Nando’s for something that actually tastes nice.”


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Three quarter length trouser wearers wish their shins weren't exposed

PEOPLE who wear three quarter length trousers admit it would be better if their shins were not exposed all the time.

Fashion victims have finally conceded that perhaps it would be more sensible to wear shorts or trousers instead of a garment that does not fulfil the needs of either.

Stephen Malley said: “It’s hard to believe but walking around with your shins out doesn’t feel as good as it looks.

“If it’s warm you’ll want to roll them up over your kneecaps, and if it’s cold you’ve no choice but to pull your socks up weirdly high to shield your legs from the elements.

“I’ll sound mad for saying this but maybe they should extend all the way down to your ankles like regular trousers.

“After all, you wouldn’t be seen dead in a t-shirt that comes to just past your elbows unless you had literally nothing else to wear, so why do trousers get to break the rules?”

He added: “Looks like I’ll have to change into my leather pants to try and claw back some dignity.”