Woman who 'doesn't mind' which restaurant she goes to is lying

A WOMAN who tells her partner she ‘doesn’t mind’ where they go out for dinner is full of shit, it has been confirmed.

Despite claiming to be ‘easy’ about whether to have Italian, Chinese or perhaps even French food, Donna Sheridan always has a secret preference set in stone.

Sheridan’s partner Martin Bishop said: “When Donna says she doesn’t mind, it means she has one very specific place she wants to go to, and the game is about to begin.

“She won’t just say ‘I definitely want Thai food’, so the easiest thing would be to suggest every restaurant in a 40-mile radius until we get to the one she wants by a laborious process of elimination.”

Sheridan said: “I really don’t mind where we eat. And if we go to the ‘wrong’ place I definitely won’t sit there with a palpable sense of disappointment, eating my food very slowly in a passive-aggressive way.”

Sheridan also stated that she is cool with either driving or getting a cab, although she is very much not cool with one of the options and will reveal which when they are already on their way.

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Couple only staying together for the sake of their mates

A COUPLE are only keeping up the pretence of a happy relationship to avoid disappointing their friends, they have revealed.

Tom Logan and Nikki Hollis both agree their relationship is dead but are considered to be ‘such a great couple’ they have stayed together for eight years and will probably get married.

Logan said: “If we told our mates the truth about our sexless relationship, the rows and the hours of tense, empty silence they’d be devastated. We just can’t do it to them.

“We’ve got to think about our responsibilities. There are the barbecues, the trips to the pub, the weekends in cottages. I can’t bear to think of the look on their little faces if we tell them it’s over.

“We’ve just got too much history together, me, Nikki, Pete, Steve, Laura, Jenny, Jenny’s mate Ruth, Colin, Anwar, Beth and that odd guy Roger we don’t know but I think it’s who Kate gets her weed from.”

Hollis said: “I’ve seen my mate Beth through nine relationships in the time I’ve been with Tom. She says, ‘I just wish I had what you and Tom have. I don’t know how you do it.’

“I want to give her a shake and say ‘We don’t do it, not since 2011’. But if I told her the truth she’d probably give up on relationships entirely and die a lonely cat woman.”