A Boots meal deal: Five things NHS nurses can buy with an extra £3.50 a week

UNDER a proposed 1% pay rise, experienced NHS nurses could pocket a whopping £3.50 every single week. Here’s what they could blow their massive windfall on.

A Boots meal deal

Our NHS heroes deserve to eat like kings, and now they can, once a week. With £3.50, lifesaving workers can feast on a flavourless egg and cress sandwich, a packet of Quavers, and an Innocent smoothie that looks like it’s part of the deal but isn’t and will push the overall cost up to £4.

Half a pint well outside London

When they’re off-duty, NHS workers can pop to a British Legion outside the M25 and splash their cash on a half-pint of beer. If they’re lucky enough to get 50p in their change they can treat themselves to a quick game of pool too. Talk about the life of Riley!

Lots of 5p carrier bags

The hassle of remembering a reusable bag is a thing of the past for our plucky NHS staff. £3.50 can buy shitloads of cheap plastic carriers, so expect to see nurses skipping to work with dozens of them proudly swinging on their arms as a status symbol.

A moderately fancy coffee

Not anything large or with cream and marshmallows though. And anything seasonal with a syrup shot is a bit beyond the £3.50 budget too. But thanks to their generous pay rise, NHS workers can go crazy with a basic hot drink very similar to what you make at home.

A parking space at their job

Once the crisis is over NHS workers will probably have to pay for hospital car parking again, but now they can almost cover the cost of a single day’s expenditure. So if you see nurses jumping with joy today, this is probably why.

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Detailed cat doodle on Post-it note biggest achievement of woman's working day

THE sole accomplishment of an office worker’s day of faffing about working from home was a quite detailed drawing of her cat.

Having spent the morning scrolling through Twitter, marketing executive Kelly Howard eventually became productive during an afternoon Zoom meeting in which she created her masterpiece.

Speaking of her artwork, she said: “We were into the second hour of a nonsense meeting about brand optimisation or something, and I completely zoned out and decided to doodle Leonard, my cat.

“I was always shit at art in school, but I think I managed to capture Leonard’s wild, temperamental essence. And you can definitely tell it’s a cat.”

Howard is certain that the 53 minutes or so she spent on the drawing constituted her greatest professional accomplishment of the day.

She continued: “Actually, I’d go as far as to say it’s probably the only worthwhile thing I’ve done all year. Maybe I should pack in marketing and become an artist full-time.”

Howard’s boss Donna Sheridan said: “Yes, I think Kelly definitely should leave and become an artist.”