Friday, 3rd July 2020

All the people your elderly parents have had round while they've been isolating

YOUR elderly parents are in a high-risk group so they haven’t left the house or let anyone in for the last 10 weeks. Apart from the following: 

Rita from next door

What do you mean, who’s Rita? You know, Rita from next door. She came round and said she was going to distance at the bottom of the drive, but we felt silly so she came in. But she didn’t stay long. She went straight after her cup of tea.

The Tesco delivery man

The shopping was heavy and your dad was watching Homes Under The Hammer. He just stepped into the kitchen for half a minute and accepted the glass of water I offered because I didn’t want to be rude. You can still keep your manners.

Bill McKay’s son

He came in but only because he was doing some work on the underfloor heating in the bathroom. You remember we had it fitted and it’s been a nightmare. A risk? Him? We’ve known him since he was in bloody nappies, you daft apeth.

The lad from up the road

That laptop’s never worked. I don’t know why you bought it us. Anyway, your dad couldn’t get on his emails so we asked that lad three doors up if he could come over and have a look. He got it sorted in a minute flat. You should hire him at your work.

Elsie, who’s just out of hospital

Poor Elsie, she’s had a terrible time. She wasn’t in for that coronavirus, it was her hip. She couldn’t get over the step to the garden so we just had a natter in the kitchen. Elsie’s not dangerous. You folk do talk some nonsense. It’s the same on the news.