WE can all see what’s coming. Another cancelled Christmas, another January lockdown, all of it. These are the things you shouldn’t do while you can:
Go to the cinema to see Spider-Man
You’ve got what, five days to see the only Marvel movie of the year that truly deserves the big screen? The multiverse and all that? You need to cleanse your palate of Eternals before we’re all locked down until bloody April. This is Marvel, it’s important.
Go to the pub
Remember how welcome it felt to be back at the pub this year? How you went to book and spontaneously bought a pint and sat drinking it on your own in weak spring sunshine? Relive that incredible moment and remember it by taking at least 30 selfies.
Go for a meal
You’ll be able to book a table because everyone’s cancelled due to the very real risk of getting Covid, so it’s a great opportunity! Enjoy a meal cooked by somebody else for the last time in months. The service won’t be great because so many staff are self-isolating, but don’t let that worry you.
Go on, it’s Christmas. Ideally somewhere enclosed, like Bluewater or the Trafford Centre. Happily drift from crowded store to crowded store, mingling with literally thousands of coughing others over the course of a busy day. Worth it because your sister will love that scarf.
Go to a gig
Okay, you’re not feeling so great but it’s probably a cold and won’t stop you going to tonight’s gig. Who knows when you’ll have chance to be part of a huge crowd, all singing lustily along to classic hits, bumping up against each other all sweaty, again?
Go to hospital
When that cough develops into classic Covid symptoms, get yourself down the hospital and beat the rush. It’s not going to close like everything else, but soon it’ll be so full of people you’ve given Omicron to at the pub, Nando’s, shops and a gig the treatment will be substandard at best. Hope you make it out!