Sunday, 16th May 2021

And this will definitely be the last lockdown, yeah? asks thick, gullible British public

THE British public has agreed it can put up with a two-week circuit-breaker lockdown as long as they are promised this is the last one. 

The fortnight’s lockdown, expected to begin at the end of next week, is expected to settle this Covid thing once and for all in the minds of credulous cretins yet to realise the government does not have a f**king clue.

Steve Malley said: “Right, so one last lockdown and it’s all over? I can handle that.

“Shame to ditch all this tier three bollocks when we’ve only just started, but it makes sense. A fortnight in the house and then it’s pubs back to normal, Christmas pantomimes, James Bond on the big screen? I’m well up for that.”

Donna Sheridan of Colchester agreed: “Stands to reason they didn’t get everything right in the first lockdown, cause it came as a surprise. But this time they’ll be able to protect the NHS and get test-and-trace fixed in two weeks, cause they’re ready.

“This one won’t knacker the economy either because it’s only a fortnight, and it’s not disrupting the schools much because it’s half-term, so they’ve thought it through.

“So alright them, we’ll put up with it one more time. But you’ll definitely have it sorted after this one, yeah?”