Saturday, 24th October 2020

Woke eco-warrior has secret Amazon Prime account

A WOMAN who exhorts everyone to shop locally, live sustainably and put the planet first has a secret Amazon Prime account. 

Grace Wood-Morris of Devizes is vocal about her devotion to conscious consumption, yet remains uncharacteristically quiet about her next-day deliveries from the online behemoth.

She said: “Look, I’d like to buy everything from independent retailers who source all their product from organic farmers who respect nature and all that, but the shops round here are shit.

“I do my best to behave morally in this capitalist hellscape. My clothes are vintage, I use farm shops, I have a bloody vegetable box. But sometimes I need lightbulbs and I don’t want to drive six miles to get them.

“Amazon’s actually very eco-friendly when you live somewhere like this and need a new iPhone case, or a mindful colouring book, or a jumper for your house rabbit.

“I recycle all the cardboard and I try to order a few things at once to make sure they’re not coming out for nothing. So actually it’s fine and completely justifiable. Please don’t tell anyone.”

Neighbour Bill McKay said: “Last week she got a single bottle of hot sauce delivered on a Sunday. And she bollocks me for having a lawn sprinkler.”