Sunday, 1st November 2020

Six relationship red flags and how to ignore them

EVERY bad relationship has telltale signs that it’s toxic, unhealthy and should end immediately. Here’s how to brush them aside: 

Taking up new hobbies

If your partner has suddenly taken up an evening hobby she comes home from late and flushed, take up more hobbies yourself! How better to deny her obvious infidelity than plunging yourself into crocheting, wood-carving or competitive dog-grooming?

Never listening

Does your partner no longer pay attention to anything you say? Turn this into a plus by offloading years of resentment with zero scruples. They’re still the bad guy for ignoring you while you’re being open and honest about their arsehole friends and frankly dissatisfying lovemaking.

Little acts of unkindness

Tiny, underhand acts of unkindness, like finishing the milk leaving none for your tea, spending all night on the PS4 when you want to watch Bake-Off or sleeping with your sister are very bad signs. Paper over those cracks by having a baby! There’s nothing like a screaming infant to stop you sweating the small stuff.

They prefer the dog to you

Then start spending more time with the dog yourself. A meaningless competition for canine affection will focus your mind, piss off your partner and distract you from the desert of your sex life. It’s all about the little triumphs.

Open insults

When your partner’s insulting you to your face, it could feel like the point of no return. But turn it into passionate two-way communication by unleashing your true feelings about their wardrobe choices, hygiene habits and tiny dick. Laying into each other in front of friends, colleagues and in-laws makes it even more thrilling.


Partner has shut down emotionally to the extent that they’re no longer even registering your existence? It doesn’t have to be over. Ignore them right back, no longer eating or even sharing a bed with them, and it could begin a new era of peace and serenity for you both.