Balding man chooses just the right moment to begin shaving his head

A BALDING man has been acclaimed by friends for calling the moment to begin shaving his head just perfectly. 

Nathan Muir, aged 31, made the decision to go bare after it had become inevitable but before it had become embarrassing, his friends and colleagues agreed.

Girlfriend Carolyn Ryan said: “It’s been thinning for a few years, but doing anything before now would’ve been premature. Enjoy it while you’ve got it, after all.

“This year it became unignorable, but there are blokes who would have pretended it wasn’t for another couple of years. Not my Nathan.

“He didn’t invest in a series of skater baseball caps. He didn’t try to gel the front back over the sparser middle. He took the bull by the horns and shaved it bare.

“I’m proud of him. I’ve told him it looks sexy, even though it doesn’t, and I might let him get some tonight for doing the right thing.”

Muir said: “I’m really glad everyone agrees I picked the right time to never have hair again. Ever. For the rest of my life. Ever again.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Woman who says ‘You’ll either love me or you’ll hate me’ is universally hated

A WOMAN who claims to have a divisive personality unites everyone who meets her in hatred, it has emerged.  

Emma Bradshaw, aged 24, believes her blunt speaking no-nonsense approach to life wins her friends and enemies alike, despite it never having won her any friends.

Colleague Susan Traherne said: “Emma claims to be like Marmite in that you’ll either love her or hate her, but people like Marmite. Nobody likes Emma.

“Furthermore if you don’t like Marmite it just sits on the shelf not bothering anyone, rather than getting in your face saying it ‘hates drama’ then losing its shit at Marie from accounts because of her ‘bitch attitude’.

“Really, Emma’s more like, say, the Ebola virus. Despised without exception everywhere.”

Emma said: “I take no prisoners, I don’t take crap from anyone, I’m real and I tell it like it is. If you don’t like me that’s your problem.

“I split people down the middle. Loads of them think this is great.”