The 'NSH' or whatever it's called is my top priority, says Hunt

JEREMY Hunt has confirmed that solving the problems of the National Whatsiscalled Service is his key focus whenever he is not busy. 

The health secretary, who conceded after consulting with an adviser that the NHS does come under his department’s responsibilities, promised to get onto it right away or at the very latest by next summer.

He continued: “Regrettably, when I repeatedly said the NSH thing was ‘completely unacceptable’ in an interview with the BBC, I thought it was Amber Rudd’s problem.

“But now I’ve made the connection I’m going to be finding out all about it. Diary’s a bit full of pharmaceutical lobbyists at the mo but I promise I’ll turn this baby around by 2019 minimum. Oh no, that’s Brexit. Okay, 2021.

“More funding? When it’s doing a bad job? That’s like tipping a bad waiter. They’ll never learn.”

Hunt added: “Tell you what, since I’ve not really got time for this, how about I hand it over to someone who can really focus on it?

“There’s a company called BUPA which seems very keen and get this – they’ll even pay us.”

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Toddler blissfully unaware he is called Roderick

A TWO-YEAR-OLD boy is still not aware that his parents have ruined his life by calling him Roderick.

Playing happily at nursery, Roderick Logan is yet to grasp the fact that everyone he introduces himself to for the next seven decades will either stifle giggles or openly laugh.

Nursery nurse Emma Bradford said: “At this age children barely acknowledge each others’ existence and are only beginning to talk, so his peers are ignorant of his shame. He should enjoy this while he can.

“When the best you can hope for is to be called Rod then your life’s going to be nothing but humiliation and torment between nursery and nursing home.

“I suppose the mockery could spur him on to be a real high achiever, desperate to prove the playground taunts wrong, but honestly? He’s already too much of a Roderick for that.”

Father Tom Logan said: “It doesn’t even run in the family. We just tried too hard to be different and now it’s too late to admit we’re wrong.

“My little boy. You’re going to hate me so, so much.”