Being a bit chunky is all we’ve got left, says Britain 

BRITAIN has responded to a new anti-obesity drive by insisting that being a bit ‘roly-poly’ is all it has left.

Public Health England has ordered manufacturers to cut portion sizes ignoring the fact that Britain’s ‘jolly waistline’ is now the most important aspect of the country’s national identity .

Norman Steele, from Shipley, said: “I went to Majorca last year. The place was swarming with Germans but I was the fattest bastard around that pool.

“That is who we are. The Spaniards are lazy bastards, the French are dirty buggers, and there’s no way the Italians are ever going to have any respect for women. They’re not changing, so why should we?”

He added: “I am rotund but happy. When I suffer a massive heart attack in the street on the way to Greggs, I’ll die with a smile on my big shiny face.

“Eat up your chicken dippers, Jason. You’ve got another lot coming.”