Boris Johnson's patronising guide to how long a metre is

METRES aren’t British, so no true patriot should be able to remember how long they are without help. Use these sturdy pointers:

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Why bother with pubs when we can get pissed in our gardens for half the price? asks Britain

BRITONS have admitted they cannot imagine why they would bother with pubs when it is so much cheaper to get shitfaced in the garden.

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