A SHOULDER massage that was sold as being ‘relaxing’ has caused numerous muscular injuries, it has emerged.
Stephen Malley offered partner Emma Bradford a back rub to help her unwind after a stressful day at work, but instead left her feeling like she had been trampled by an angry shire horse.
Bradford said: “Well, that’s a mistake I won’t make again. I can’t move my right arm and it feels like Steve might’ve bruised between one and three of my vertebrae.
“I should probably have told him to stop, but the novelty of him doing something thoughtful for me meant I couldn’t bear to, even as I could feel the muscles between my shoulder blades being strained by his massive, oafish hands.
“Now I can’t stand up straight and will have to spend the best part of a hundred quid on an appointment with an osteopath to put right the damage Steve has done. I should have gone to a professional, rather than a man who learned everything he knows from a Pornhub video titled ‘Sexy massage with horny babes’.”
Malley said: “I only offered because I thought it might lead to sex, but, given the job I’ve done, I’m not going to see so much as a hand job until October.”
