Thursday, 6th May 2021

Brexiteer smugness emerges as vaccine side-effect

A PUBLIC health warning has been issued after Covid vaccines were linked to fast-spreading outbreaks of Brexiter schadenfreude.

Following the emergence of evidence that Britain has actually done something better than the EU, a virulent new strain of self-righteousness is running rampant through pro-Leave areas.

Dr Helen Archer said: “There is a definite corrolation between injection of the vaccine, the fact that the UK has secured more vaccine stocks than Europe, being a gammon and gloating uncontrollably.

“Sustained exposure to headlines like ‘EU wait your turn,’ ‘Bet EU wish you were British now’ and No, EU can’t have our jabs!’ are potentially lethal. Middle-aged men are literally sniggering to death in their armchairs.”

Public health officials are considering exporting a limited number of British vaccines across the Channel to inoculate gammons against rising nationalism, but fear a deadly surge in rage-induced strokes and peptic ulcers.

Leave voter and intensive care patient Wayne Hayes, said: “Have you seen those twats in Brussels? Fighting over vaccines like tramps over a bag of chips.

“This entirely proves that Brexit was right. Hundred per cent, forever.”