DO you gather strength from your hatred of others, but should have grown out of it by now? Here are enemies you’re officially allowed to have as an adult:
Your lazy delivery driver
Whether he’s taking liberties with the meaning of ‘secure location’ or knocks so weakly you need pin-sharp hearing to detect it, you’re entitled to despise him. Nothing against the profession: he personally is an awful, antagonistic bastard determined to stop you getting your dandruff shampoo.
You can’t hate every member of your family – you’d never get anything done – but nobody likes a brother-in-law. They’re not blood, they brag about their cars, they drink your beer and they’re knocking off your sister. Hiss when they approach.
Your neighbour’s cat
Hating your neighbour was fine pre-pandemic but these days seems churlish. Hating their pet, who digs up your pot plants to shit in them, comes from a place of maturity. It’s definitely about the plants, you’re not just taking out your anger on the nearest living thing.
The colleague who sends emails at midnight
Any colleague is a fine target for your righteous ire, but those without self-control or any understanding of business hours are best. Once they’ve wheedled your help with a presentation at 3am you can point out Fifty Shades of Grey on the shelf behind them in the next Zoom meeting guilt-free.
War criminals/terrorists/nuclear bombs
If you really think you’re above having a petty enemy who frustrates your life in small ways, be one of those self-righteous pricks who claims they don’t hate anyone they know, just Hitler and concepts like ‘greed’. God, those smug holier-than-thou bastards who insist they have no enemies. You can hate them too, actually.