THE UK is now referring to the coronavirus as the ‘f**king-corona-f**king-virus’, or will also accept ‘COVID-bastard-19’.
The renaming came because citizens were tired of using medical terms to describe the virus causing the global pandemic and wanted something more suited to their feelings.
Wayne Hayes said: “Me and the lads were having some drinks on Zoom and decided we really need a better name for this thing. The ones we’re currently using just aren’t cutting it.
“After a long night of brainstorming we decided that instead of giving it a cool name it doesn’t deserve we’d just insert expletives into the twat’s current monikers to leave it in no doubt of our contempt.
“From now on, everyone has to call it the f**king-corona-f**king-virus, even in chats with elderly relatives. When on a business call, it will be exclusively referred to it as COVID-bastard-19. These are the new rules.”
Dr Helen Archer said: “Of course, as a frontline medic, we have to use the clinical name. Which is ‘that spiky little motherf**ker we are determined to kill’.”