Friday, 3rd July 2020

Brits immune to coronavirus after four pints

PEOPLE develop immunity to coronavirus after consuming four pints of beer, drunk people have confirmed.

Pissheads say that the more alcohol you drink the less likely it is that you will catch the deadly disease, due to the medicinal properties in alcohol that cause you to stop giving a shit.

Helen Archer said: “I am normally super careful when it comes to coronavirus. I wear masks and gloves to the supermarket and follow all the social distancing rules.

“However, after a few drinks my gut instinct changes to ‘F**k the stupid virus, I could easily have it in a fight’.

“I’ll only wash my hands for four seconds, stand too close to people at barbecues, shake everyone’s hands and freely touch my own face. It’s like the bottle of Shiraz I’ve consumed surrounds me in this magic protective bubble.

“The following day I feel like shit, but whether that’s a hangover or Covid-19, my solution is just to get shitfaced again.”