SHE gets all the attention, fits Zara dresses and benefits from accepted beauty standards, but your thin mate still acts the victim. Here’s the bollocks she says:
‘I have got to go on a diet’
Unless that diet is raw eggs and steroids to prepare for a body building competition, this statement is illegal when you’re a third of the size of the person sitting next to you. If she needs to go on a diet because she’s ‘huge’, that puts you roughly equal with the country of Lichtenstein.
‘Clothes shopping is a nightmare’
It absolutely is for anyone who’s shopping with her. The nightmare of fighting back tears in the fluorescent lighting of a River Island dressing room with jeans your size refusing to pass your thighs while she complains that hers don’t perfectly cinch her tiny waist. Buy a belt and get out.
‘I don’t know why these places give you too much food’
Perhaps you hadn’t realised you were dining in the presence of the tiniest, most delicate china doll in all the kingdom? You’d thought nothing could take the shine off a bowl of cajun chips, but it turns out your friend announcing she’s done after nibbling six does it every time.
‘Fruit is the only pudding for me, everything else is too sweet’
The faultless sequel to the bullshit above. Not enough that they’ve ruined the entrée, they need to massacre the pudding too.
‘It’s so hard when people only want you for looks’
So hard. So incredibly f**king galling. You can’t think of a single thing harder than guys queuing up to shag you before they’ve even learned what you’re really like. Though maybe nobody wanting to shag you no matter what you’re really like is kind of tough.
‘#BodyPositivity’
Posting a bikini picture is not brave if her go-to anecdote is about being scouted for bikini modelling.
