Friday, 7th May 2021

Coke-snorting couple wouldn't take vaccine because they 'won't know what's in it'

A COUPLE who regularly enjoy cocaine cut with a range of unspecified powders are suspicious about exactly what will be in the Covid-19 vaccine.

Lauren Hewitt and Ryan Whittaker have confirmed they will skip any injections until they know it is totally safe, like the street narcotics they take.

Hewitt said: “There are far too many unknowns in a new vaccine and I’m not being a guinea pig for a substance that could end up killing me. Is what they’re doing even legal?

“Being immunised with an unknown formula is not like when we buy a couple of grams of pure coke, with its slight smell of Persil, lingering taste of soap and the odd slug pellet in.”

Whittaker added: “The danger of the vaccine is something me and Lauren debate a lot. We find we do our most lucid thinking when we’re gurning from the hit of whatever the f**k it is we put up our noses.”