A MAN who spent a fortune on a top-of-the-range outdoor jacuzzi insists on shoehorning it into every interaction.
Roy Hobbs paid £7,000 for his JetMaster 3000 and has so far managed to bring it up during a colonoscopy and at a tense divorce hearing with his wife.
Hobbs said: “Owning the hot tub is great. But telling everyone about it is even better. You just have to subtly move the conversation towards it.
“Like yesterday a homeless person asked me for money. And boom, I was in. ‘50p for something to eat? Not likely, mate. I’ve just dropped seven grand on a deluxe garden tub’.
“And when a colleague was moaning about Covid restrictions I was like ‘It doesn’t bother me, as my 36-variable-speeds jet whirlpool bath can only comfortably seat six’. Absolutely seamless.
“No one has actually volunteered to sit semi-naked with me in a bath of tepid, scummy water yet, but it’s only a matter of time.”