Saturday, 30th May 2020

Dad would rather get coronavirus than fist-bump

A DAD has confirmed he will be shaking hands and potentially spreading a deadly virus rather than ever ‘fist-bump’. 

Father of three Wayne Hayes declared to his family that he would rather die than ‘indulge in pathetic Americanisms’.

Hayes, 53, said: “Churchill didn’t fist bump Stalin at the Yalta peace talks and he was the greatest Briton I can think of to illustrate this point.

“How I wash my hands is likewise my own business, and if it remains a swipe of Imperial Leather and a quick pass under the cold tap, that’s the British way.

“Elbow bumps? With another man? That’s ridiculous. Is this one of your memes or something?”

Hayes’ 24-year-old son Matthew said: “They say older people are more at risk. Perhaps it’s because they’re all d*cks.”