Doctors refuse to see anyone who arrives with a fag and a can of Monster

DOCTORS will no longer see patients who arrive with a cigarette in one hand and an energy drink in the other.

After it emerged that lifestyle-related illness costs the NHS £11bn per year, doctors said the public could at least put down their can of Monster for long enough to have their pulse checked.

Doctor Tom Logan said: “I’d say around 60 per cent of my patients rock up to my surgery with a lit cigarette and a Monster, then demand to know why they aren’t feeling tip-top.

“At least put them in the bin outside. This will still be a charade but at least it’s slightly less depressing.”

However Roy Hobbs said: “I’ve actually got a doctor’s note I bought off the internet saying I need to have Monster and fags at all times, otherwise it affects my mental health.

“Monster and fags are the nearest things I have to a religion.”