Delightful scamp Prince George threatening to have everyone beheaded

ADORABLE scallywag Prince George has been melting hearts in Canada by threatening to execute everyone.

The cheeky-but-delightful tyke raised a few smiles on his family’s tour of the country when he reminded Canada’s prime minister that his life was essentially worthless.

Refusing to high-five Justin Trudeau, the funny little prince said: “Touch me and my men will have your head.

“They’ll put it on a spike outside granny’s house and jackdaws will peck at it. Meanwhile your lifeless torso will be tossed into a quarry.”

The loveable little chap added: “We can trace our bloodline back to the fourth century. I doubt your lineage goes back for more than a fortnight, or else you wouldn’t be living in what is essentially a prison colony, and can at best be described as ‘the semi-thinking person’s Australia’.”

The royal mischief-maker’s hilarious joke raise titters from beguiled onlookers. Naughty George responded: “You could all die tomorrow and you would be forgotten by Friday.”

However the young prince’s proud father William took him aside and gently reminded the personality-packed infant that although it was okay to think those things, he should not say them out loud.

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Corbyn announces decommissioning of Labour Party

JEREMY Corbyn has confirmed the Labour Party is to be dismantled, greased and put into storage. 

Following his re-election, the Labour leader told members that continuing to run a party without any chance of achieving government was wasteful, expensive and bad for the environment, so it would be put away until a more optimistic electoral outcome could be achieved.

He said: “This isn’t the end of the Labour party. But right now, with Brexit, the privatisation of the NHS and the collapse of our support in Scotland, the Labour party – and, indeed, Britain – is not a great place to be.

“So the party, including MPs, employees and key supporters, will be covered in grease and packed away until at least 2025 in the hope that by then the UK will be ready to vote for a restoration of its 1970s glory days.”

He added: “Do not mourn for us for we are not dead. We are merely sleeping until you have need of us again.

“Good luck with all that stuff, by the way. I hope it goes well.”