Doctors turn down money

DOCTORS have rejected an opportunity to make more money, it has emerged.

The British Medical Association has rejected the government’s NHS reforms after independent analysis found that it could make GPs even richer.

But experts stressed the move is clearly nothing more than a bargaining tactic designed to make them even more money in the long run.

Bill McKay, professor of doctors’ salaries at Reading University, said: “There is a suggestion that the new system would lead to doctors getting more cash in exchange for rationing care, but of course doctors take an oath not to be seen to be doing that.

“The BMA needs to sit down with the department of health and devise how care can be withheld in a way that does not link it to doctors’ bonus payments, such as just saying that it’s not.

“Or you could tell patients they are going to receive care but then secretly change your mind at the last minute and blame it on ‘the system’ thus satisfying doctors’ fondness for both money and gratuitous cruelty.

“Or the bonus payments could be linked to thank you notes from patients. I’m sure there’s some fancy software that could churn out several hundred a day.”

He added: “One thing is for certain – doctors are going to get even more money.

“You see, there are in fact four things in life you can’t avoid – taxes, constant NHS reform, inflation-busting pay rises for doctors and death – usually thanks to a misdiagnosis by some fucking overpaid GP.”



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Your problems solved, with Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
I’m having terrible trouble getting
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Dear Geoffrey,
In my school weve got a special unit
run by Mrs Waddle for those kids who apparently require a bit of
extra supervision due to having what the teachers refer to as
‘complex learning needs’. The kids in Mrs Waddle’s class are only
allowed crayons for art because they like to eat poster paint and
insert sharpened pencils in other people’s ears, and they think it’s
ok to stick their hands in their pants or tell the headmaster he’s a
droopy horse cock during morning assembly. If you ever walk past Mrs
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and if you notice one of them making a run for it across the
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you also have complex learning needs and should maybe spend some time
in the special unit. But don’t worry, there’s plenty of girls in
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and think it’s perfectly acceptable to torture a guinea pig.
Hope that helps!