Drinkers demand cure for arsehole alcohol personality

DRINKERS have demanded a cure for the weird and aggressive personality that seems to take over when they are extremely pissed.

Alcohol lovers would like a scientific breakthrough that prevents them turning into belligerent twats who argue about nonsense that is mostly in their own head.

Norman Steele said: “I drink too much a really unpleasant other me comes out. It’s like Jekyll and Hyde, if Mr Hyde was a massive knob.

“Once I had a blazing row with my friend Paul because I kept insisting all superhero films were shit. I was quite nasty to him and I actually like superhero films.

“Scientists should invent a pill that makes you rational again when you’re pissed. I bet it would stop you going on futile odysseys to score drugs too.”

Graphic designer Nikki Hollis said: “They could invent one for being pissed and maudlin while they’re at it. I think I really brought everyone down that time I decided life was meaningless and I needed to cry for an hour.”

Neuroscientist Roy Hobbs said: “Alcohol causes cognitive malfunction and impaired ‘fight or flight’ responses, which is why I took my trousers off and offered to fight everyone on Friday.”