IF anyone in the UK is going to get Ebola it should be the contestants on BBC1’s The Apprentice, according to COBRA.
The emergency committee has decided that if an outbreak in Britain is a statistical probability then the most irritating people should be at its forefront.
A COBRA source said: “If we cannot stop Ebola we can at least put jumped-up wide boys and two-faced megabitches between it and fully functioning humans.
“Visitors to the UK exhibiting signs of the disease will be quarantined in The Apprentice house alongside the contestants, who will all think they can beat it anyway because they’re so full of themselves.
“Of course anyone who attempts to leave will be shot. Maybe even some people not attempting to leave.”
The Apprentice contestant and cocky little spiv Tom Booker said: “I’ve got 14 years of management experience and have led teams of 110 people, which makes me superbly equipped to fend off a severe viral infection.
“I’m a high calibre individual and I’m not going to miss a sales target just because of a little hemorrhagic fever.”