CHRIST had a small toothbrush moustache rather than a beard, it has emerged.
Researchers in Spain discovered engravings showing Jesus with the type of facial hair commonly associated with a problematic German leader.
Archaeologist Mary Fisher said: “The Jesus-with-a-beard thing is a popular misconception perpetuated by hipsters and Russell Brand.
“If you actually read the bible there are numerous references to Christ ditching the beard and cultivating a neat little moustache.
“Shortly after the water-into-wine thing a still-bearded Jesus tells Peter, ‘Everyone at that wedding had a beard. I fear the look has become played out and lost its vibe’.
“Later Jesus consistently badgers Judas about whether his new moustache is symmetrical, which is the main reason he betrayed him.
“To our modern sensibilities it is a controversial look but Jesus just thought it looked cool. Hitler copied him.
“It’s not Jesus’s fault, that would be like blaming Public Enemy for Vanilla Ice.”