Energy drinks recommended as part of an unhealthy lifestyle

ENERGY drinks are the perfect complement to partying too much and eating ready meals, according to medical experts.

Doctor Emma Bradford said: “I would recommended energy drinks as part of a chaotic, non-balanced lifestyle, particularly if you are trying to maintain an inhuman work rate or are getting wrecked a lot.

“They help you to keep going beyond your body’s natural limits, which is important if you are sofa surfing after a messy divorce and have no money for vegetables.”

Doctor Bradford confirmed that energy drinks were overall probably okay for you, or at least not as bad as cigarettes.

Teenager Wayne Hayes said: “I like energy drinks because they give you a buzz, and the more you drink the more you buzz.

“In an ideal world everything would give you some sort of a buzz.”

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Sitting alone in car parks confirmed as top leisure activity

MOST adults spend more than ten hours a week slumped in stationary cars hiding from their miserable lives, it has emerged.

The Institute for Studies has found that 77 per cent of Britons regularly sit motionless behind the wheel of their vehicle, unable to start the engine.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “Pleasant leisure activities like fishing and book groups have been mostly replaced by car-bound contemplation of life’s futility.

“The great thing about sitting alone in a car park is that it can be easily combined with the UK’s second favourite leisure activity, which is rushing around a supermarket feeling angry and judging strangers.”

Office manager Tom Booker said: “I see sitting alone in a car park as a useful way to explore my varied feelings of despair and unhappiness.

“If I’m feeling sad but contemplative I’ll head to the windswept top of the local multi-storey, whereas the PC World car park is best for an existential crisis accompanied by loud sobbing.

“However, my favourite is the Waitrose car park which combines  exquisite melancholy with a burning rage that some people earn enough money to shop there on a weekly basis.”