BRITONS exercise purely to justify eating more food, it has emerged.
As health experts confirmed that losing weight is mostly about diet, ordinary gym-goers said they were missing the point.
34-year-old Nikki Hollis said: “I don’t care about losing weight, that’s never going to happen.
“I just go on a running machine so that I’ve ‘burned off a load of calories’, thus making way for more calories, ideally in the form of chips or a lamb bhuna with a fuck-off massive garlic naan.
“My goal is to stay quite fat but not get massively fat.”
Teacher Roy Hobbs said: “I do an hour in the gym three times a week. That’s ten minutes parking the car, forty getting changed and ten minutes of mild exertion on this machine where you lift little weights up and down.
“During my gym session I like to consume a bottle of bright blue liquid with 19 sugars in it, which is apparently a ‘sports drink’.
“Then it’s kebab time, with a clear conscience.”