Exercise 'knackering'

A MAN who thought exercise was meant to give you stamina and energy has complained that it just made him knackered. 

Tom Logan of Hitchin has taken up going for a 50-minute run every lunchtime and believed that it would give him new vitality and vigour, but instead keeps dozing off in the afternoon. 

He said: “Am I doing it right? Because I am just fucked. 

“Not just after the run, either. I’m absolutely shagged all afternoon, I struggle to keep my eyes open driving home and then in the evening I lie around like a wet rag. 

“I knew it’d be tiring at first, I’m not stupid, but I’ve been at it six weeks now and rather than a halo of good health lifting me up and giving me new dynamism in all areas of life, I feel six weeks tireder. 

“Back when I did bugger all I at least had enough energy to go out the pub. Now I just sit slumped with my mouth open in front of the telly all night, too exhausted to even change the channel. 

“I’ve not even lost any weight because I’m chugging Red Bull just to stay awake. All physical activity is bullshit.” 

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I'm torn between watching The Handmaid's Tale and doing something I might actually enjoy

by Emma Bradford

WHILST it seems to be pretty much mandatory for women to watch this programme about other women suffering, I’d rather smash the patriarchy by enjoying myself.

Some of my friends say I ‘must watch it, given the current socio-political climate’, as if by not watching I’m basically saying I think Donald Trump and Harvey Weinstein are great guys who have just been a bit misunderstood.

When I approach a leisurely pastime, such as sitting down to watch a TV show, I want to enjoy it, rather than peeping out from behind a cushion hoping for a moment when something utterly hideous isn’t happening.

I wouldn’t do it for the Saw films, and I’m not about to start just because something has got Margaret Atwood’s name in the credits, even if she is really cool and looks how I imagine hipsters would like to look when they finally grow up.

Clearly terrible things happen to women all over the world, which is why I don’t want to watch it depicted on screen but with stylishly dystopian costumes and bafflingly lengthy shots of Elisabeth Moss looking scared.

Is there some way we could dismantle the patriarchy by watching Masterchef or Homes Under the Hammer instead?