A MAN was left shocked when his GP kept chatting casually as if he did not have his finger up his anus.
Dr Stephen Malley’s pleasant, cheerful personality turned Norman Steele’s routine prostate check-up into a never-to-be-forgotten anal ordeal.
Steele said: “The doc seemed a bit on the chatty side from the start, but I presumed he’d pipe down once my arse was out. I only started to panic when he asked me about what team I supported as he popped his gloves on.
“It’s incredibly difficult to calmly chat about the merits of 4-4-2 versus 4-3-3 without your voice breaking as a bloke wags his finger around in your bottom. It’s like a challenge from some twisted version of The Cube.
“I don’t want to discuss I’m a Celebrity while some man wears me like a giant novelty ring. I’m here to find out why it feels like I’m going to burst into flames whenever I go for a piss.”
Dr Malley broadened the chat with a lighthearted account of recent staff shortages at the clinic due to colds, but Steele was preoccupied wondering if he was trapped in Hell.
Responding to the criticism, Dr Malley said: “We can talk through any issues Mr Steele may have with my bedside manner when he’s next in, I believe for a testicular cancer examination.
“I’ve already got some great bantz lined up about Man City and the weather. It’ll be fun.”