ALLOWING Novak Djokovic to stay and compete in the Open could unbalance Australia’s ecosystem of enormous twats, the country has confirmed.
The world’s current number one twat Djokovic faces deportation because he poses a threat to the country’s indigenous racists, macho lager drinkers and prime minister Scott Morrison.
Border security officer Ryan Whittaker said: “Australia is home to unique species of twat who speak in bullshit slang used nowhere else in the world. But if we let in an even more virulent twat like Novak Djokovic they risk extinction.
“That’s why our border checks are so famously strict. If just one hot-tempered Serbian tennis player slips through then the harmony of Vegemite obsessives and surfer dickheads will be upset. And once they’re gone they’re not coming back.
“Even notoriously twatty animals like the box jellyfish and the funnel-web spider would voluntarily shrivel up and die. They know they don’t stand a chance against a man who struck a ball at a female line judge.
“Once Djokovics start breeding in large numbers, they could displace our most iconic twats, from surprisingly vicious koalas to our PM Scott Morrison, who’s still dragging his feet on climate change and goes on holiday when half the country’s on fire.”
Indigenous Australian Mary Fisher said: “God, yeah, it would be awful if twats came to this beautiful country and ruined it.”