Heavy drinkers to get new livers so Britain doesn’t run out of people

THE NHS is to ease the rules on liver transplants so that Britain will still have enough people.

Doctors have conceded the country is now mostly drunk and the priority is making sure Britain has a minimum number of bus drivers, engineers, firemen and doctors.

An NHS spokesman said: “Drunk people in their 20s and 30s can be productive as long as we can keep supplying them with a new liver every five to seven years.

“We are going to need lots of new livers, which means commandeering old people who have lived a clean life, or doing something unethical with pigs.”