Thursday, 29th October 2020

Hipster claiming to have COVID-18

A HIPSTER is claiming to have contracted the small-batch artisanal coronavirus strain COVID-18. 

Thom Logan of Bristol believes he picked up the virus in Berlin’s Berghain nightclub last year and admits that while the symptons are similar to COVID-19, it is a much more exclusive virus that has gone under the radar of the mass media.

He said: “Yeah, I think I got it when this girl I was in a poly relationship with got it off her girlfriend who’s a Tokyo tech house DJ. So it’s from Japan, not China, which is cooler.

“Some people wouldn’t be able to tell the difference, including my doctor who’s such a normie she thought it was ordinary flu, but it’s the ’18 alright. The cognoscenti can tell.

“Unfortunately I can’t take time off from my job as a cold brew coffee consultant because it’s a vital public service, so it may have been passed on to a very select few in Shoreditch and Brighton.

“But the general public isn’t at risk. There is absolutely no way they’d get this. Come on. Have you met them?”