Hunt jealous of hackers who were able to cripple NHS in just 20 minutes

JEREMY Hunt is bitterly jealous of the cyber attackers who brought the NHS to its knees.

The health secretary has worked tirelessly for four years to try to eradicate the NHS, using methods such as cuts, mathematically impossible promises to the public and the alienation of an entire generation of junior doctors.

However, the computer virus, which hit the operating systems of several NHS trusts, was able to bring Hunt’s vision to life in less than an hour as ill people were turned away from hospitals.

An insider revealed: “At first Jeremy was delighted but then realised he was being shown up by some anonymous hackers. He actually kicked a bin at one point.”

Conservative MPs now want to use hacking as a simple way to to unravel comprehensive education, reliable public transport and foreign aid.

A spokesman said: “It’s more ‘state of the art’ than just cutting budgets.”

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49 year-old at rock gig realises he’s easily the youngest person there

A 49 year-old indie rock fan was the definitely youngest person at a gig in Camden, it has emerged.

Tom Logan looked around the dank venue he first visited in 1986 and found himself surrounded by shaven headed, leather jacketed men and orange haired women typically five or six years his senior.

Logan said: “I expected to get there and have everyone look at me as if to say,’why aren’t you at home watching a murder mystery on ITV3, you sad, pathetic, doughy old man?’.

“But from the granny who rubber-stamped my hand to the hefty 60 year-old geezer who checked my bag and said ‘in you go, sonny’, it was completely obvious I was the youngest person in the venue.”

He added: “I got talking to some guys about the band and they asked if I’d seen them at the Futurama festival in Leeds in 1979.

“When I said I was only 12 at the time, they looked at me like I was Private Pike.”

Logan revealed he also found himself in a moshpit with a prefect from grammar school who had once given 100 lines for running in the corridor.