BRITAIN’S hypochondriacs are delighted by claims that wi-fi could in some way harm their health.A thrilling mix of danger and narcissism
The imaginary health risks posed by the well-understood technology have the dual benefit of allowing hypochondriacs to wallow in self-concern while not actually becoming ill.
Administrator Tom Logan said: The thought of getting cancer or brain damage from wi-fi really gives me something to think about in my incredibly mundane life.
With all these wi-fi waves about to give me a tumour its like Im watching a particularly gripping episode of Casualty thats all about me.
Also wi-fi is everywhere these days, so I can kick up a fuss in almost any situation in order to get the attention I so desperately crave.
Hypochondriacs believe wi-fi causes human tissue to mutate at a cellular level due to electromagnetic resonance, or some other pseudo-scientific bullshit they read about on the internet.
Brain surgeon Donna Sheridan said: If people are concerned about wi-fi they should come and see me so I can at least have the satisfaction of telling them to stop being time-wasting, superstitious peasants.
Alternatively wearing a metal bucket on your head will block out both wi-fi waves and your ill-informed bleating.