Wednesday, 26th February 2020

I am about to f**k up your life, says wisdom tooth

A WISDOM tooth has declared its intention to f**k up an unsuspecting man’s life.

Tom Booker, aged 29, is currently in the middle of a calm and ordinary week, unaware of the monstrous horrors which await.

The tooth said: “Tom thinks he’s doing alright and looking after himself pretty well at the moment. Off the booze, going for a run, all that. I’m afraid I have other plans.

“He wakes up at 4.15am tomorrow feeling as if he’s being dragged through the fiery gates of hell tooth-first.

“By 6am he’s double-dropping paracetamol and ibuprofen while weeping on the bathroom floor, Googling ‘emergency dentists’.

“Then it’s nothing but excruciating pain and a terrible pressure in the jaw like his head’s in a vice for the next few weeks, then I’ll bid farewell with a gory horror-movie of an extraction which will leave him with a dental phobia that’ll last years.

“Nothing personal, Tom. Just doing my job.”